Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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