Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
