I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
