Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
