Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
