32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
