there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
