come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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