By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
