Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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