so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sorry about my life...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
