good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
