I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
