The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
