You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
