He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
