It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
