I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize