recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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