Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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