Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize