hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
