were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
