i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
