please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
