Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
soo... how was my night?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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