she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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