she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
