You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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