It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I deserve this hangover.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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