the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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