and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
