i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
