Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
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