Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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