I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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