The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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