You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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