My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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