I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
