I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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