Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the day after is always just damage control
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
