At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
