you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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