Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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