be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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