i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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