if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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