He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We left the knife in your bed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
