May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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