I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize