Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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