my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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