Sorry, I don't speak sober.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
