Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
