Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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