if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
