i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
