Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
