Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
