Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
