i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
