Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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