see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
